The Prairie

Katherine O’Keefe

Found on the Internet, dated August 14, 2000, and reproduced with the kind permission of the author (

James Fenimore Cooper’s a name

That is set in American fame

Well, it is just my fate

He’s an author I hate

For his writing is terribly lame

What! Captured by Indians again?

Well what else from Fenimore’s men?

I’ll cover my eyes

And utter with sighs

If this ever ends, please call when.

His characters mangle their words

In piffle ‘bout “buffaloe” herds,

While they hide out in grass

That won’t cover their ass. *

I say that this book’s for the birds.

He thinks girls are all weak and quiet. **

I’m sorry, i simply won’t buy it.

If I cannot flee

This idiocy,

This man may soon cause me to riot!

Now please let me settle this straight,

There are very few authors I hate.

But this Fenimore man,

If ever I can, I will have his head served on a plate.

Oh terror! Oh horror! Oh spite! No matter how much I may fight,

Just to pass my Lit class I must get down to brass

Tacks and finish this paper tonight.

* the quadrupedal type.

** or if they don’t fit his stereotype, he calls them unnatural.